4.20.2012

Canebrake's HOA: Protecting the world from terrorist threats to yard uniformity&beautification

We received a delightful little note from our dear Canebrake HOA today. It went something like this:

Dear Canebrake Resident,
   It has been observed that you have a sign in your yard that is not Real Estate For Sale related.You are in violation of Article 569,198,651,739 Section ZXX, Paragraph (aaa) which clearly states that real estate signs are the only allowable type of yard signs. While we are truly sympathetic to the situation that the tornado damage has placed you in, we must all remember what is truly important - that you comply with the Canebrake Covenants, and remove the 2'x2' contractors sign in your yard.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Canebrake HOA

They're barrels of fun.
My response to the Canebrake Committee For The Prevention of Unapproved Yard Signs will be as follows:

Dearest Canebrake HOA,
  You have correctly observed that we have an unauthorized (*gasp*) sign in our yard. Our sincerest apologies for that flagrant violation of the sacred covenants of Canebrake.

While we're on the subject, we would like to bring to your attention the 20 ft. long, graffiti-covered dumpster in our driveway, the loose shingles, broken windows, plywood, roofing beams, and gutters that are currently piled in our front yard (and littering our entire street), the insulation, tar, and bits of other people's homes that are now embedded into the walls of our home, the destroyed patio furniture, grill, and fencing in our backyard, oh, and let's be sure not to forget the gaping hole in our neighbor's roof.
We see why you felt compelled to send the letter. The 2'x2' contractor's sign is quite clearly the biggest eyesore in the vicinity, and we wouldn't want it diminishing the beauty of our pristine street in the prestigious Canebrake Club.

We will happily remove the sign - in approximately two weeks when our contractor has finished replacing our roof, ceiling, garage door, drywall, flooring, and fence - the tornado "situation" you referred to and are so sympathetic toward.

Then again, we might just leave it.

We think it goes well with the unauthorized white vinyl privacy fence down the street, the unauthorized plastic playset one street over, and the unauthorized (yet undeniably classy) 8 foot inflatable snowman that another dear Canebrake neighbor brings out from November - January every year. Not to mention the blinking, blue, LED christmas lights that were strung on one of the largest houses in the neighborhood this past holiday season. Nothing makes me think of the miracle of Christ's birth more than those glorious, seizure-inducing, electric blue lights.

Thank you for dedicating yourselves to keeping our neighborhood safe from the terrifying threat of misplaced yard signs.

~Matt&Allison (two dear residents of Canebrake)