We waited 7 months for our CAN clearances.
3 more months for our home study to be written.
In total, it took a year and 5 days just to complete our home study. Which is basically absurd.
I have to be honest, after all that waiting I was REALLY hoping for a stork drop situation to just fall in our laps. I would've been quite happy with absolutely no time to prepare, just a call to hop a plane and come get a baby - no more waiting required! Fly by the seat of your pants is basically how I operate, so it seemed like a pretty good option. I was really hoping.... and rationalizing. I mean, we had already waited so long for our home study - surely we could catch a break on the waiting for a match thing.
Ha! When will I learn?
Our home study approval finally came through around 3:30 pm on May 1st, and we learned about a possible situation that same afternoon! Our profile (along with a bunch of others) was shown that very night to a birthmom whose baby was already born. If she chose us, we would need to leave immediately. It was exciting to say the least... I couldn't sleep, forgot to eat, and checked my phone every twelve seconds - I was about as jumpy as a kangaroo on crack. Then we found out that she had narrowed it down to us and 3 other families. Which didn't exactly help with the jumpy-ness. After two days of wandering in circles holding the phone, we found out that the birth-mom had decided not to place the baby for adoption after all. We were disappointed and relieved all at the same time. This was one day before a weekend of vacation, followed by moving back into our house, and then immediately leaving for my little brother's wedding. Have I mentioned it was crazy?
Once that was all over and we could actually breathe again, I started getting agency applications ready to mail. I sent the first few out, and we got an email two hours later asking if we wanted our profile to be shown for a certain situation. We talked about it briefly and said yes. I overnighted our profile, and then we pretty much just forgot about it. No nervousness this time. The baby wasn't due for 5 more months, and we were sure that our baby would be born way sooner than that. Obviously this birth-mom wasn't going to choose us.
Except she did.
And just like that, we're matched!
Which brings me back to why I was hoping for a stork drop.
I was minimally terrified of meeting/getting to know the birth-mom. Or perhaps I was just straight up terrified. Try and think of something more awkward than introducing yourself, over the phone, to a pregnant woman you know almost nothing about, who has chosen you as her baby's adoptive parents from a 12 page "family profile". Good luck. Not gonna happen. I'm pretty sure that situation wins the ultimate awkward award - exactly why I was hoping to avoid it. I was also hoping to avoid it for more selfish reasons. I didn't want to have to watch this play out from her side - I really wanted the fun, sweet, happy parts without the painful, difficult, sorrowful parts. Which was foolish. Adoption is always difficult, joyful, sorrowful, sweet, painful, and amazing.
I should know that.
Just like every other follower of Christ.
And our adoption was far more difficult, sorrowful, amazing, and joyful than this. The Son of God had to die on a cross to make our adoption happen.
What if He had decided to avoid the pain and sorrow?
I'm thankful, every day, that He chose instead to endure it, for me.
A relationship with this birth-mom is a blessing, an opportunity to follow my faith and walk beside her in love, whatever that may mean. It is a chance to serve, and hopefully to glorify Him in the process.
I can't believe I almost missed seeing that.
Yes, it's super awkward sometimes. Yes, it's WAY out of my comfort zone. Yes, she could still change her mind.
All of that is ok, because God's the one writing this story, not me.
Seriously, when will I learn?